Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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