why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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