I want to walk on stilts...naked
Duck Duck Cougar?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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