she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
