she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
