A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
