So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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