Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
