She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
