when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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