I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
