I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
