I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
