I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
