we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
