Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
