i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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