your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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