dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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