She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
