Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
