I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
