Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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