so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
