remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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