How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
