i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
