he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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