Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
