I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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