Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
