Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
