I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
