Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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