I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize