I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
