last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
