escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
