Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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