Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
