Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My vagina is very pro this idea
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
