i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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