Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
