Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize