This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
