Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
