I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
