She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
