My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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