But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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