Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
