Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
