Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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