im six kinds of drunk right now
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
