Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
