I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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