I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
