There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
