I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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