i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
