Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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