I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
